by LIFE Co-Founder and CEO Chaya Mushka Ben-Shabat
First, the disclaimer:
- I am not coming sharing this as an educator licensed psychologist, physician, or child development expert.
- I’m coming as a woman and mother who has spent the last 14 years trying to achieve perfection, realized early on my son was going to need a LOT of support, and spent/invested/wasted THOUSANDS of dollars on every “expert” in the book on two continents!
- What I finally realized is that 1) no one will ever know your child like YOU know your child, 2) no one else can do your pushups for you, and 3) the answers are ALWAYS within.
- It’s part of the contract that our Creator made with humanity: you are ALWAYS given the strength sufficient to handle all of your challenges in life.
- Guarantees? There are no guarantees in life! Raising a child is a marathon, not a sprint. We can only do our absolute best and leave the rest in the hands of our Maker. Don’t look for quick solutions. Get rid of this microwave mentality…we need a crockpot mindset.
10 Tips to Guarantee Your Child’s Success:
- Define your personal version of success – What does success mean to you? What does success mean to your child? How do you know if you are successful in raising your children?
- Realize that the biggest change needed will be the change within!
- “The work is not so much on healing the parent/child relationship. It’s healing the child within the parent.” – Dr. Shefali
- Be a perpetual student: commit to constant learning and growth for YOURSELF.
- No one is given a rule book on how to be an awesome parent. It’s actually a shame that we’re not REQUIRED to take parenting courses.
- One thing I’ve learned: mom’s who care about continually improving THEMSELVES raise kids with a built-in model of the desire to constantly learn and grow and become better.
- Life lessons are CAUGHT much more than they are TAUGHT.
- It’s not about “fixing my kid”. It’s about becoming better equipped to support my child.
- You cannot teach what you do not know. You cannot lead where you do not go.
- It’s ok not to know the answers. Have a dictionary on your coffee table. Look up every word they ask about WITH THEM. They need to see that you’re not a perfect know-it-all.
- Release your child from YOUR expectations.
- Our kids weren’t sent here to be our mini-me.
- Nor are we to use them to fulfill all of our unrealized childhood dreams.
- We MUST let them be THEM!!
- It’s our job to support them and cultivate them as they find THEIR own place in this world.
- Get off the technology: you AND them!
- Set technology limits and boundaries for the whole house.
- Quality time. Outdoor time.
- Ex: 1000 hours outside
- There is a popular experiment of committing to one weekend day each week completely off of technology and devices! What if you created your own island in time on Saturdays? Or something that cultivated face to face QUALITY time.
- Connection must come before correction. If there is no rapport, trust, and respect, they may fear you, but they will never follow you. They will escape at the first opportunity.
- How often do you have chats with your kids? Play games? Let them ramble about their day at bed time?
- Create connection times at your house: Right when they wake up, as they head out the door to school, as they come home from school, as they go to sleep at night.
- Be bold & brave enough to accept your kids just as they are.
- Get over your ego & your fear of what neighbors, friends, school, social media will say. Who cares?!
- Are you raising kids because you want to be cool, and you want them to be cool? Or are you raising them to thrive and shine their own unique light in this world?
- Take good care of yourself. Maybe that means a bubble bath, staycation all by yourself, or an early morning meditation. Self-care isn’t just about wine & spa days. Tough Love is also self-care. Sometimes that includes things like getting the bills paid, organizing health insurance, and cleaning out the junk drawer.
- Get up before your kids – the quiet time will change your life.
- You need a chance to get a jump start.
- The success of your day hinges on your ability to get to bed on time.
- You can’t give away what you don’t have. If you are always chasing your tail, how can you be present in a purposeful & intentional way for your kids?
You got this, Mom & Dad!